People wonder why i don’t like getting close to people.

Take Saturday for a fucking example, had such a lovely day, bit different, but it was lovely.

Nice words, all that fucking shit.

Now it’s “fuck off” “don’t talk too me” 

Cheers for that.

Third drop in a row.

sweet jesus did we fail at a lip bite attempt

I have such bad trust issues.

I mean, it is hard when you open up too someone, start to trust them and all sorts, you do things for them, even if you’re not completely happy about doing those things, but you do, because you don’t want them too drop you, you don’t want too lose them.

They give you advice, tell you things that make you feel better, they have all the right things too say, they could tell you they love you, just because they know that you’re trusting them, that you’d do anything just to make sure that they love you, or just because they want you too carry on doing things for them.

They’ll promise you that they’ll never drop you or give up on you, no matter what, they say they’ll never tell anyone your secrets.

Then they stop talking too you, maybe just because they can’t be bothered with you anymore, or they found someone else too mess around. Or, you didn’t do something they wanted you too, or you bored them, so they just stopped talking too you. They find someone else, and they don’t need you as a friend or anything anymore.

One by one, your secrets become known by other people, you wonder why they’d ever betray your trust like that.

You wonder why they’d ever lie too you.

Drop you so unexpectedly, after making you trust them, fall for them, get feelings for them. 

It makes you wonder why anyone would betray your trust like that.

But that is what people do, and it is sad, some people don’t mean too, but some people do it, because they know they’re doing it.

And they enjoy having you rapped around their finger.

And deep down, you know you’re being used, played or whatever.

But you don’t want too believe it.

Because you trust them so much.

This is why i can say, i don’t trust anyone.

Only family.

Neve x

Someone messaged me on twitter and asked me to explain to them why i started to self harm.

The thing is, with self harm, it’s an addiction, and it doesn’t always mean that you’re suicidal, it can be a cry for help, it can be something that you just can’t go a day with out, because you’re that trapped in you’re own negativity.

The reason i started was because i realized that when i cut it made me focus on the pain of the cut, instead of the pain i was focusing on before hand.

I would advise people never to start, as it is really hard to stop.

It put my family and friends through so so much stress, and it ruined me in quite a few ways.

I’ve always suffered with anxiety and paranoia, bad o.c.d, and depression.

A recent suicide attempt made me realize how much i have ahead of me, though i am doing bad in school, and i kept getting into trouble, i still have a whole beautiful life ahead of me. 

I’m currently seeing a Physiologist and getting my life back on track, it’ll take time, but i know i can do it.

Never give up, because there is an entire life ahead of you.

You don’t need to feel paranoid, depressed, scared, you can fight through these negative feelings, maybe not on your own, but with help.

I refused help about a year ago, and everything got worse, now I’ve finally accepted the help i needed, everything is getting better, slowly, but surely.

Keep your chin up, enjoy the little things in life.

If anyone needs too talk, go ahead and message me on twitter or ask for my number.

Neve xxxx